A real-life Wolverine incident

Today, I shall be narrating an interesting story(similar to the one I saw in Wolverine) in an interesting way(similar to the manner I saw in Wolverine) to a lot of interesting people(similar to the cast of Wolverine, especially that female lead, who had that not-so-hot sister, and was not hot herself) with interesting thoughts(similar to how she wonders why the moon is so lonely) with interesting dialogs(similar to how she converts that thought of the moon being lonely and all to the word "Wolverine" and therefore, brilliantly, tells him that he should be named Wolverine) with a cool black sidekick, an evil brother who kills at will, a naive(i mean, retarded) super-hero and lots of believable CGI(like that blade coming out of his hands and its reflection on a mirror which was definitely taken in one shot and didn't involve any kind of super-imposition of scenes).

So, here's the story:

Today, my evil brother, my best black friend and I went to the super-market to buy some soap. My retarded brother to cool black friend, "Why are there school?". My(equally retarded) black friend replies, "There is point to it."

Brother not believe answer. Get angry, very much. I mean, my brother doesn't believe his answer and gets totally angry. I get excited too, forgets English grammar, again. Blade come out of fist. But, too chicken to fight. Noob. Brother not to be seen. Neither is black friend. Probably him too dark in badly lit super-market.

Sudden, power come back. Black guy hiding in shadow. Brother near ceiling fan. Mega 2 hour fight with random helicopter crash-landing in front of super-market. I get bored, not settle bill since cashier bigger chicken and not in sight and take bath with newly bought soap. My grammar returns and my blades back in its original place after small session of (dangerous) masturbation in shower.

Another non-sarcastic Post

This post revolves around this link. The Board of Directors (BOD) have long maintained that there is some correlation between a nation's cinema, and it's level of development, coolness and how it is perceived by the rest of the world.
Non-violence may have been acceptable against the British, but I think stoning and anarchist revolution would be the key to stopping the creative artists who come up with stuff like this.
I present to you now, a selection of the lyrics of the song (with subtitles) of the above video.

La - lalalalala. (La - lalalalala)
Tu meraaaa (You are myyyyy) Superman. (Superman.)
Tu meriiii (You are myyyyy)
Lady. (Lady)
Ho gaya hai apna (This of ours has happened)
Pyaar already. (Love already.)

There are more gems but I have no food left in my stomach to regurgitate.
Also let me draw your attention to certain points in the video.
First of all, why is she wearing a spiderman costume?
00:22 - Wtf? Now spiderman can fly to? If Stan Lee were dead he'd be turnin in his grave right now.
00:44 - Wtf? Upside down flying. Mooning the metropolis.
01:01 and 01:19 - does this form of dancing really captivate Indians? If not, and demand is low, why is the supply so high?
01:10 - Assuming super human strength, you'd hope that the elbow dashing would produce more devastating effects. Maybe a severed limb or two.

With reference to the last post, Indian cinema keeps throwing out these horrible nuggets from time to time. Like this Arjun Rampal movie I saw a clip of recently. He's talking to this other dude and they try and talk ghetto.
"Hey Brother from another mother."
Arjun Rampal :"First of all, I'm not your brother. So don't go on my mother."
I assume this is a rough translation of "Mere ma pe math ja." But the end result is fail. Indian Cinema is replete with such instances. Then of course, is the Hindi remake of the cult classic Memento, Ghajini. Uber fail.

Forget voting, fellow Indians. That is not as important as standing up for what is our right. Refuse to be treated as second class creative citizens any longer.

Butterflies Do Not Cause Tornadoes

Well, I'm bored again. And you know what that means.It's time to belt The Butterfly Effect once again. For years now I've hated this movie for being stupid and pretentious, and giving totally useless people the opportunity to drop terms like chaos and attractors and what not in casual conversation. Chaos for Dummies, if you would have it.
Just to clarify things, I don't think it's wrong to simplify a scientific concept to reach out to a wider audience.In fact it's probably a good thing to do. But more often than not such attempts are doomed. I remember a bunch of people back in school who discovered books one day, A brief history of time the next day, and then suddenly they were all yakking on about warp drives and wormholes. The problem with people is this - try to simplify something for them, and more often than not they will react in the dumbest possible way. I mean, an analogy is not an isomorphism. Just because someone uses an apple to explain a wormhole, does not imply that the universe is just like an apple. The universe can't be eaten. It doesn't grow on trees, with other universes. There is no forbidden universe. Universes don't spoil after a couple of weeks in the open. All this seems laughably obvious, and yet, if I had a dime for every guy who thought he was qualified to answer the fundamental questions of science after briefly flipping through some random coffee table book with pretty pictures,well, I'd have a lot of dimes.
But I digress. I have no issues with Hawking. He makes a sincere effort to teach people things, and its not really his fault.
TBE on the other hand, sucks ass. It is the lamest movie ever made. It is so bad, that the only possible explanation of why it sucks so much, is it was written by high school drop-outs after a bout of watching Discovery Channel.(I imagine them to be these hairy drooling brutes, so I can't really imagine them reading a book about chaos theory).
And this is why: the butterfly effect is merely an analogy for sensitivity to initial conditions. it means that in a chaotic system like weather,a tiny change in the initial configuration ("a butterfly flapping its wings in hong kong") can lead to a major change over time ("a tornado in texas"). But that's where the analogy ends. The butterfly didn't cause the tornado by flapping its wings. All the elements in the initial state interacting with each other, are responsible for the final state being reached, and to try and trace a tornado back to the butterfly that caused it, is about as stupid as trying to find the exact electron which completes a circuit. And this is exactly what this movie tells you - the hero can trace all of his life's tragedies to single events in his past, and even reverse them . Whoa! Somebody call the Nobel Committee.We have life-altering scientific discoveries.
And it also really sucks that Kamal Hassan implied something similiar in his last movie. Lame.
You can all go back to being dumb now. Bah.

Useful tips for Us Uselesses doin Useless Things

Forget racism and communalism. There seems to be little literature around for the man who is not afraid to be serious about the trivial. In today's 'Useful tips for Us Useless doin Useless Things' we focus on the 'Jawbreaker' game (and it's variants, BubbleBreaker, Pattern, ZapThat! and Bubblets).
Before I begin, I'd like to say, I know it is very exciting to just see those colourful balls and randomly click groups of two or more and watch them disappear with a pop (the sounds are especially catchy if you're playing it on your i-mate) and end up with scores of around 200. But you have to stop that! It is noobly, and does not befit you. After reading this short guide, you too will be able to score regularly in excess of 600 and if faced with a lucky draw, even touch that magical figure of 1000.
When I first started to research this problem, I decided to analyse the scoring pattern. It did not make any linear sense, because I got 2 points for a pair, 6 for three, and 12 for four. I was nonplussed.
But a simple analysis reveals that if An^2 + Bn + C = 2, 6, 12 for n = 2, 3, 4 respectively, A = 1, B = -1 and C = 0. Now you know.
There is only one basic strategy. Look for clumps(not quite unlike the big one in your head. In this next image, I have manipulated the other balls to get a big clump of purple.

That's 506 points right there! More than you've ever scored!
One common mistake most noobs do is to identify the wrong colour to clump in the beginning. For example, look at this next picture. Blue would be a wrong choice, because there is no 'bridge' (look at column 6 - there is no blue ball - hence you wouldn't get a good clump because your left and right sides are disconnected). A better choice here would be purple, and indeed it was.


Another tip would be to work your way down, for often popping pairs in the bottom would mean upsetting potential points in the top.
There. Now you know. If you still get scores in the range of 200, you are a mega noob who should stick to watching Star Plus family dramas.
(The author is an oozeless individual who disclaims any factual content in the above blog)

The ranting hermit.