I hang my head in shame today. I can't believe I did that! Oh! To have stared into the abyss and have it stare back at you, drowning within the torrent of despair that distorts reality into bananas!
Alas, what I thought had been an lifetime of dedication to Dr. Evil, turned out to be a sham, a hopeless pretense, a jar of bananas, which I, as an innocent ( meaning impeccably evil ) monkey, stuck my hand into, to have it stuck there FOREVER!
Oh the shame of it all! Exposed like this, you see my soul standing stark naked in front of your eyes, and a revolting little soul it is, albeit a tad good-looking, if I say so myself. Yet hope still remains... I hope. Purged of the mole spirit that infested my very being, I'm born anew, a new monke...man - no more chasing after bananas and other weasel traps.
My fellow post-men of the NSB, my fans and beloved readers from around the world, my mentor Dr. Evil, and yes, my teddy bear George, I ask you only this once to forgive me. The twisted dirt path that I led is now behind me. I've climbed out of that mucking road, once and for all and moved onto the highway - a long glorious road that has only darkness and pure evil at the end of it. I'm sorry that I let you all down. I truly am, and I wish to wipe the past clean like a janitor with a bucket of phenyl and a mop, and see life for what it truly is.
The treatment I underwent snapped me back to my senses, and upon re-discovering the incalculable amount of creativity stashed within that psychological masterpiece of mine, I proceeded on my latest creation, a work that symbolizes what has been taken away by those snivelling weasels! Ah, but look closely for there's lots left... Here's to a great new life of evil!
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