How to get bored

Since I am bored most of the time these days, I thought I might help others who might be trying to follow the path of boredom. All the people get bored some of the time. Some people get bored all the time. But, it is my life mission to make all the people bored all the time. Now that is not an easy task. But I found out a way that helped me in getting closer to that goal.

It all started with a bit of laziness, which, of course,  is a pre-requisite for boredom. If you are not born lazy, then this is not for you. Even if you were trained to be lazy, it would be hard to follow the talented lazy ones. So, as I was saying, this laziness started because I had to get a bottle of maaza from my refrigerator to quench my thirst while I was lying on my bed with my laptop. After thinking for about half an hour, whether or not to get that bottle, my thirst ordered me to go and get it. In that hurry, my laptop fell on the floor, creating a small dent on the marble floor. It also transferred some of that white paint onto my extremely shiny and well-maintained black laptop.

Luckily, it was still working but I found out that the wireless connection on my laptop had decided to go berserk. It was now giving a speed of 3 kbps instead of the usual 60. The next thing I saw were the gates to hell opening themselves, inviting me in. But, after some thought, I realized that I should act more sensibly. And so, I am currently sharing this incident to all those who want to follow me. Here are the steps:

1. Pick up your laptop.

2. Raise it to around 2 meters above the ground.

3. (Optional) Turn on the laptop. This will give better results.

4. Make sure that 5 fingers are used to hold the laptop.

5. Start a countdown from 10 down till 0.

6. Pretend to squish a fly near your ears with both hands the second you mutter zero.

7. Within 1 second, the marble paint should be on your shiny well-maintained black laptop.

8. Check to see that the laptop is still working.

9. If it is not, probably your wireless connection is also not working, which is a good thing.

10. If your wireless connection is still working, repeat the above steps till it stops working, or your laptop becomes white, or your downstairs neighbour starts complaining, or your laptop stops working.

11. The time taken to get bored will now depend on other factors. I got bored in 20 seconds. It would take even upto 2 hours. This is inversely proportional to your coolness factor.

12. As a final step, if all of this went according to plan, you should have suicided by now and not gotten to see Step # 12. I would have already met you in hell.